Numbers.

I hate numbers. Numbers are a very limited way to define who a person is. In elementary school I was assigned the number 12 to put on the top of my papers, along with the 12th coat hanger and the 12th cubby. I graduated 52nd in my high school class. I hate being given a number to define who I am. I don't want to be known as the 7th girl you kissed. I don't want to be just another number adding on to somebody's "list". Because I am more than 12, 52, and 7. That's why I prefer words. Words are more personal. I would rather be known as compassionate, ardent, and cheerful. Words better define someone's personality. I don't care what number I am on a list or what my ranking is. I would rather be defined by greater things.

Amanda Paige.

I now start a series of posts about specific people that mean the world to me.
This one is for Paigee. She's my roomie, but mostly my best friend.

I met Paige the very first day of college. It was right after move-in day and classes hadn't begun yet. All freshmen were supposed to attend a series of pointless activities. As we entered the courtyard that morning, we were randomly separated into small groups. Yepp, Paige and I were placed into the same group. Throughout the morning we just kind of drifted together, awkwardly eating lunch together in the cafeteria and making small talk. I would have never known back then where our friendship would lead,   and all the memories we would make over the next year. I ran into Paige a few more times that first week (basically wherever there was free food). We exchanged numbers and decided to eat lunch together on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. This is where our friendship grew.

Let me just pause for a second and say that Paige and I are ridiculously similar. We often joke and say that we are the same person. One of us will say something and the other one will say "I was just thinking that". This happens literally every day.

So anyways, through each lunch we would start to feel more comfortable and open up to each other. Our personalities would reveal themselves and I began to realize how similar we were. Then we started hanging out on weekends, I met all of her other friends, and the rest is history.

Paige is one of the closest friends I've ever had. She's just easy to talk to. She listens to everything and most of the time she can give you a new perspective, something you've never thought about before. I've always felt open with her, even after only knowing her for a month.

One of Paige's best characteristics is that she refuses to be brought down by negative things. Homegirl has dealt with a lot of crap from stupid boys that don't realize how amazing she is. And yes, I used "Homegirl" to make her laugh while reading this. But seriously, I'm fed up with men that don't treat her the way she deserves. But even though it's hard at times, Paige doesn't let it get to her. She's always able to find something to lift her spirits. As Anna has said before, Paige loves life. She loves to live. There's no other way I can put that. She finds new perspectives, and she always has a reason to laugh.

99% of my best college memories so far include Paige. We've been to some interesting places and met a lot of peculiar people. Even the times when we didn't go anywhere, just sitting on the balcony or the couch watching tv, we've had fun. I'm so blessed to have her in my life.

YOU DA BEST #BLOGLESSPAIGEEPOO.

-Kurt.

Positivity.

Sometimes it takes a slap in the face in order for you to realize something. That's what happened to me recently.

I had gotten myself into a dark phase, feeling cynical and bitter about a lot of things. I focused too much on everything that had gone wrong in my life, convincing myself that nothing would ever work out in my favor. I compared my life to others and hoarded bitterness and jealousy. I was miserable.
Then, one of my oldest friends came along. He always listened to me all throughout high school when I needed someone to vent and complain to about the same things over and over. I know it was annoying. But he always answered. And even though we've drifted apart, he still answers. Even when I call him at 3am.
So anyways, I saw him this past weekend. Of course I eventually blurt out complaints about my "sad life", turning things into a pity party. And when my friend responded, it hit me (no, he didn't literally hit me. Metaphorically.) Basically, he told me I was being annoying. That I needed to stop worrying so much, and that my negative perspective was only going to bring me down and hurt me more. He gave me a speech that slapped me in the face. I don't remember everything that he said, but I do remember what I got out of it.
If you have a negative view of life, relationships, or the future in general, then you will never be happy. You have to switch your mindset. If you think positively, you will be happy no matter what bad circumstances come your way. You have to keep your head up and find your own silver lining. It may rain for a week straight, but blue skys are coming. You have to hope. You have to have faith. And you have to trust that there is a greater plan for you in this world.

So I just wanted you to know that I was in an emotionally/spiritually dark place before, and I'm trying to change my mindset about everything. When I told my previously mention friend that I would try to stop complaining, he said "I'm pretty sure you said that the last time I talked to you." Maybe I did, but this time I mean it. I was making myself miserable before, and now I know that I can make myself happy. It's all a choice.
"It's not about the cards you've been dealt, it's how well you play them."

So far, I've had a way better week because of this. I'm going to start going to Brainerd Baptist more on Sundays, because I've fallen out of the habit in college and I realized that I really miss going to church on Sunday mornings. I've also started going to yoga classes. I really enjoy it because it calms me down and makes me feel relaxed in the middle of a busy week.
That's all for now.

Peace.

New Year's Resolution.

So, my life is pretty much a series of incomplete events. For example, I have started writing blogs and just saved them as drafts and never really got around to finishing them and posting them. It's a problem of mine. I rarely finish anything that I start.

But one of my New Year's Resolutions is to read and write more for fun (I know I know Nerd Alert ok shush I love English). Over Christmas Break I finished reading 4 books and started on a 5th. I had forgotten how much I loved to read because college gets in the way and takes over my life and I've pushed aside some of the things that I really enjoyed doing.
I also used to love writing. I was going to take a creative writing class this semester, but when I went to it on Tuesday it seemed like a giant waste of time. Basically, the whole class was busy work and we would only be writing one short story over the whole semester. When I took creative writing in high school we would turn in short stories every 3 days. So I dropped the class because I didn't want to deal with it honestly and I didn't think I would enjoy it. However, I still intend to write more this year. That includes this blog (Hi. How's it goin.)

I feel like I'll have more free time because my classes are all in the afternoon. So maybe I'll actually take the time to go somewhere and write for an hour, just because. Or maybe I'll just end up sleeping until noon. Lolz, I love sleepin. Anyways, I want to take time to do the things I love so that I don't forget why I'm here. I don't want to be miserable this semester obsessing and stressing over my school work.

I know that this has just been a bunch of rambling but. Stay with me. Maybe one of these days I'll have a thought that's equivalent to E=MC^2
LOL JK I HATE MATH/PHYSICS/NUMBERS.

Oh and here's the classes that I'm taking because I know you were all wondering and waiting at the edge of your seats:
Intro to Mass Communication, Shakespeare, British Literature, French 2.
But basically just French because it's taking over my life and I have to go to class 4 days a week and do all this online junk it's time consuming.

So in conclusion, this blog was written in stream of consciousness similar to James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I hated that book, add that to my previous list of books I hate. Ducks. My mother is a fish. Literature references.

Ok I need to quit now bye :)

Reminiscence.

There once was a girl who resided in an enchanted castle. The castle contained everything the girl had once held dear to her heart. Pets, stuffed animals, and memories of warm summer days and cool December nights filled each room and hall. By day she would find new things to love; by night she preserved everything by tucking it away in corners of the castle.

As the girl grew older her castle filled with books, song titles, and movie tickets. Every now and then, if you walked through the doors in her halls, you would find the remnants of a special person in the girl's life; she kept the memories and qualities that made a person special to her.

One night she stumbled upon the figure of the boy she used to know. He lived far away from the girl in the castle now, constantly changing in the outside world. But in the castle the girl had preserved him carefully, remembering him only as he used to be. Approaching said illusion, she uttered the words "I miss you," and then her castle fell.

The bricks caved in and each story was brought down to the ground. From the rubble, the girl rose and found that all of her memories had vanished. The illusions that used to fill her halls and rooms were now only present inside her head. The girl's physical world now held only the truth of reality.

Atop the broken remains of the castle was a single index card written in the boy's handwriting: "I love you."

Books that I hate.

As a sequel to yesterday, I now want to make a list of books that I hate.

1. Twilight. This is literally the stupidest crap that has been put down to paper. The first book wasn't that bad, she should have let Bella turn into a vampire then. And then delete the other three books from existence.

2. Pride and Prejudice. I never finished this book. Because it got to a point where I literally hated ALL of the characters. I couldn't stand anyone and I didn't want to read about their lives anymore. I know that Darcy is supposed to be all perfect and whatnot in the end, but I freakin hated him and I don't think anything could have turned that around.

3. A Farewell To Arms. What in the world, Ernest Hemingway? If you don't want me to spoil this book for you, don't read this. But there isn't much to spoil until the last chapter. War war war war war, found a woman, got her pregnant, baby dies. She dies. I'm pretty sure his best friend dies too. He ends up alone walking in the rain. The end. It's depressing, and I don't think there's a point to it.

4. TTYL. I was fifteen when I bought this book thinking that is was soooo coooool because it was written entirely in IM. OMG it waz sooooo stupid. I think I read like 10 pages. And then I threw it in the garbage. Like, srsly.

5. The Shack. I couldn't finish reading this because it was poorly written. It might have been a great, uplifting story, but the narrator got on my nerves. Nobody cares that he was such an awesome writer that his friend chose him to write down his story. If he really was a good writer, he would just write. the . story.

Oh, and also every teenfiction book ever written. All of them.

Books I love.

I just wanted to share a list of my favorite books. So here we go...

1. THE GREAT GATSBY. If you know me at all, you know this is my favorite book. If you didn't, well now you know. I'll probably end up writing a whole post just on this at some point.

2. HARRY POTTER. I read the first 4 books in fourth grade, and went to the book premieres for 5, 6, and 7. This series taught me to enjoy reading. J.K. Rowling is a brilliant genius ironman-woman and I really want to meet her. I could also write an entire post about Harry Potter.

(at this point, the books are in no particular order.)

3. THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER. Stephen Chbosky is just an awesome person. Not only did he write the book, but he wrote the screenplay and directed the movie. Perks is just so full of truth and great quotes.

4. THE BELL JAR. I love Sylvia Plath. She's just insane, and I love the fact that she wrote a book about insanity. Love.

5. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD. Boo Radley. Atticus. Classic, just classic. Never gets old.

6. ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Alice is just great, it's so random and imaginative. Love the book and both of the films.

7. THE HUNGER GAMES. That's right I like The Hunger Games. But mostly Mockingjay and the first Hunger Games. Catching Fire was just okay until the last chapter.

8. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST. One flew east, one flew west, one flew over the cuckoo's nest. This book was funny, serious, and about a mental hospital. What more could you want?

I like a lot of other books, but those are my favorites. That is all. Carry on.